To My Son

Displayed on our refrigerator door, front and center, is a tiny square bit of paper. For over a year and a half, it has sat there alone, aside from the magnet holding it.

It reads "Every heartbeat creates a miracle."

I was clinging to hope when I found these words dangling from a rooibos chai teabag in the spring of 2008. Time and again, I had prayed and hoped and willed my little ones to stay and grow and thrive, only to learn that such heartbeats couldn't be found. But on this particular day, a warm cup of tea in my hand, there was life. Against all odds, despite the obvious signs of impending doom, there was a vibrant and energetically beating heart. A miracle. You.

The months passed as we held our breath and we arrived on the doorstep of winter. The small paper from the teabag reminded us still to stay in the moment. Only someone with great will and determination could have come this far. With the changing of the seasons, and the anticipatory joy of Christmas, you came sliding into our arms, full and healthy and beautiful. We named you, aptly, Willem.

And every second, every heartbeat, in the past 365 days has been a gift beyond any we could have ever imagined. Your spirit is one of pure joy, laughter, and love. Now I am remembering each moment of this day when you joined us earthside a year ago, reflecting on the strength I thought my body lacked and the will and gentle spirit of my son. The presence of your warm body curled in my arms, your contented sigh at my breast - these are moments of bliss, wonder, peace. To have been chosen to mother your sweet soul, humbles me with gratitude. Every beat is a miracle.

Party Animals

Oh, our little social butterfly. A few months ago, she began planning a Halloween party. We'd decorate, she'd have several friends over, and we'd go trick-or-treating. Alright, we can handle that.

In truth, I think that this was her way of making Halloween a bit less scary. She was confronting her fears by picking out the goriest decorations in the Spirit catalog, none of which we actually purchased. She and I went shopping and we stuck with the pumpkins and cats and cute ghosts. We invited a few friends and looked forward to the event. On the big day, Bella donned her Princess Aurora costume and eagerly waited to greet her guests.

Will too got into the Halloween spirit.
Our friends began arriving one by one and so the girls began waiting for new guests together. The excitement was tangible.
In the beginning, the girls (in full costume) spent their time running between the back and front yards, checking on the status of the guest list.
I wish I had pictures of the activities that ensued, of Adam leading a gaggle of at least 10 girls from door to door through our neighborhood, but I barely had a moment to grab the camera with all the happy chaos of the evening. I did manage to snap a shot of the post-trick-or-treating loot assessment: we found several of the girls sitting quietly on the couch, mouths stuffed with candy.
Our first Halloween party was a smashing success. We sure were worn out though!

Lines of Time

I get nostalgic this time of year. The crisp air, the warm light... someone's enjoying a lit fireplace somewhere.... Autumn to me is a love story.

Stepping outside I am taken back 12 years to our college campus. There we emerge from the dorm in search of dinner, weak-in-the-knees, hand-in-hand, glowing sunset, glowing hearts...

(SMCM sunset, David Chase)


I am taken back 7 years, a sweet tiny baby girl in my arms, our first home - a bungalow on the hill, nestled amongst the trees...









I am taken back to just a year ago, my belly heavy, my steps slow and careful, the movements of our son reassuring us as we eagerly await his birth...











And I know, that in the days to come, that this time next year, I will be taken back to this moment. My daughter, now a beautiful girl of her own, curled up with a chapter book. Our baby boy, with his engaging babble and heart-melting smile, giggling at our antics and his own. My soulmate, smiling at me upon the sight of our children, still with that twinkle in his eye.





Life is full now, busy, exhausting, joyful, and our hearts are brimming as we savor these fleeting moments, this blink of an eye. We are holding on to each one for tomorrow's memory. Fully in the present, smiling at the future, reflecting on the past, we live.

Leaps and Bounds

Will's baby year is flying by much too quickly. I can hardly believe he is 9 months old now and I am trying hard to hang on to these little everyday moments...

He wasn't a big fan of the sweet potatoes, but enjoyed the giant spoon immensely.


Just as his sister did, he has taken quite a liking to books and, while not yet crawling, is very skilled at emptying Bella's book baskets.

His first choice: Everybody Poops by Taro Gomi. I'm told it's a boy thing.


The days fly by so quickly and I am intent on savoring every moment, snuggling my little guy at every opportunity. The latest acquisition, a beautiful handmade Bamberoo mei tai, aids me in doing just that. Will seems to really like it too.

9.11.01

What are we as a species, that we must explain tragedy to our children,
That we must prepare our little ones to grow up amidst hatred,
That we must place our hopes for a better world in their hands?

May we create that world for them today,
And so honor those who never got the chance.

The "Not-So-Much-Sleeping" Sleepover Party

Bella likes to plan in advance. This year's party was planned oh, about, 12 months ago - right after her 6th birthday pool party. It was then, on the 24th of August 2008, that she decided she would be having a slumber party on the 22nd-23rd of August 2009. We had a year to get used to the idea. Little did we know how unprepared we would be for the event...

Bella invited her 3 closest friends to attend. I had my reservations as to whether 6 and 7 year olds were mature enough for a sleepover, but their mothers were thrilled with the idea and put my mind at ease. After all, I was simply more worried about them being homesick than anything else and if the moms weren't worrying then why should I? So we all started looking forward to it and Adam and I found ourselves relieved that we were merely throwing a party for a handful of girls as opposed to 20-something kids from the entire school class. We'll play some games, make some pizza, watch a movie - easy.

The day of the party, we set about cleaning and decorating. Will, sensing the excitement, didn't want to miss a thing and took a brief 45 minute morning nap as opposed to the usual 2 hours. He watched as I clumsily tried to concoct pillows out of marshmallows and sleeping bags out of lady's fingers to put on Bella's slumber party cake. I finished with just enough time to put him down for an afternoon nap and hop in the shower, while Adam cleaned the kitchen which appeared to have been hit by a Category 5 Storm of Cake Frosting. The kids were to arrive at about 4pm and it was around this time when the real storm, Hurricane Bill, decided to swing by and the heavens opened up. Poor little Will (who was now in the process of cutting his 6th tooth) was once again roused from his own slumber by clash after clash of thunder and we gave up on the nap, seeing as we needed to greet our guests who were waiting in the shelter of their car for the rain to cease. They too gave up after about 10 minutes of sitting in our driveway and arrived at our doorstep soaked to the bone, sleeping bags and all. This didn't seem to at all dampen the spirits of the girls, who were jumping up and down emitting high decibel shrieks of happiness.

They scampered up the stairs to play in Bella's room for a bit and it wasn't long until I heard an urgent "Mama!! MAMA!!". You see, Bella had been looking forward to telling her friends about her latest act of bravery - the surgical removal of a splinter from her nail bed. Apparently, she decided to employ visual aids in her storytelling, calling upon the splinter that the doctor let her keep, and had managed to get it RE-STUCK under her fingernail as she described the whole fiasco to her wide-eyed classmates. A true Darwinian moment. When she realized the error of her ways, she broke down into a sobbing mess of "Ohhhhh, noooooo!" as she remembered the shot of lidocaine that was administered under the nail prior to the splinter's removal. She DID NOT want to go through that again. I turned the procedure over to Adam who miraculously was able to retrieve the particle of wood without the help of a medical professional (probably because the nail was no longer fully attached at this point).

So, one crisis averted, now on to a few rounds of Hide-and-Seek and Twister...

... and then one of the highlight activities: pillowcase decorating!

The markers and stencils worked beautifully and we decided to give puff paint a try too. When the final guest arrived (after waiting for the rain to lessen before driving over), the girls' excitement could no longer be contained and they simply exploded with all the joy that can be imagined when you haven't seen your friends all summer and you now get to spend the night together.

Suddenly, the puff paint became "vomit" and the girls were "throwing up" on one another's pillowcases. Were these really girls?! The next thing we know they are running around the house shrieking "Diarrhea!! Diarrhea!!" But wait, isn't that a boy thing?! Time to switch gears. STAT. We needed to get to the movie SOON. The pillowcases were cleared to make room for pizza assembly...

Will watched bugged-eyed as mozzarella, mushrooms, and pepperoni flew onto pizzas (and the table and the carpet). It was about this time when we noticed one of the girls was occasionally coughing and was scratching her back saying "Itchy! Itchy! Itchy!"...

The girls enjoyed their personalized pizzas. And personalized cake, for that matter too, since I had crafted their likeness onto Nilla wafers resting on pink marshmallow pillows...

Pajamas on, teeth brushed, puff paint and pizza sauce out of hair, and finally time for presents and the movie.

Our itchy little girl's coughs were becoming replaced by near incessant sneezing and when she started rubbing her eyes were realized we probably had some sort of an allergic reaction on our hands - either that or we would all be coming down with a doozy of a cold in a few days. We summoned her parents (who were enjoying a rare night out alone) and by the time they arrived, her eyes were red and swollen. So she went home, where she quickly recovered, and we were left with just 3 party animals. As you can imagine, it took awhile for them to get to sleep. There were several lighting adjustments (as each girl was accustomed to a different level of brightness in her sleeping quarters), a handful of trips to the bathroom, a few reminders that it was indeed bedtime, and a couple of lullabies sung too. I think they were finally out by around 10pm, over an hour after they had gotten into their sleeping bags.

3:30am. Will wakes up hungry, as he often does. However this time, he is unable to nurse. Teething gel, Advil - nothing works and he falls back to sleep in my arms. I set him down in his crib and tiptoe back to bed.
4:00am. One of the girls needs to use the bathroom and so wakes up another one to accompany her. Bella has taken advantage of their absense and, in her sleep, sprawled across everyone's sleeping bags. Adam relocates her, but she wakes in the process. He informs them that they must go back to sleep if they want to continue to sleep in the same room.
4:15am. Will is woken again by all this activity and remembers that he is hungry. But once again he cries and cries with each nursing attempt. Adam rocks him to sleep while I get the girls settled back in.
5:00am. I hear thumping coming from Bella's room and get up to investigate. I pause outside her door and hear lots of whispers and commotion. The girls are up. I decide that it may be in everyone's best interest if we separated them for the remainder of the night and move Bella into Will's room since Will is now in bed with us. She is very upset at this prospect so I sing to her and rub her back to calm her down. When I think that she is asleep, I sneak out of the room. I find the other girls still awake and adjust the lighting one last time.
5:45am. Everyone is quiet and I am feeling serious mother-guilt over having separated Bella so I move her back into her room before heading back to bed. I fall asleep quickly.
6:30am. Will wakes up screaming. He is usually such an easy-going calm little guy so we know something is not right. He is very very hungry but just will not nurse. We rock and sing and do everything we can think of to calm him down but he is exhausted and hurting and ravenous. Finally at around 7:15am we get him to sip water from a glass.
7:30am Girls are up. And so begins Bella's "real birthday".

Our sweet little guy was now requiring constant comfort and so Adam single-handedly prepared french toast for our gaggle of girls. Breakfast was a hit! I was able to get Will to drink more from a cup, but he still had not had a full meal since the night before. I was hoping that I could trick him into nursing once he fell asleep for his nap, since he always roots when I set him in the crib after feeding him. Thankfully this trick worked. The girls went home, tired but happy, and we prepared for a birthday lunch with Nana, Pop, Aunt Tracy, and cousin Bobby. We had a delicious meal and much fun opening presents. When the house cleared, Bella played with her new toys (all the while fighting her combined affliction of overstimulation and overexhaustion), while Adam, Will, and I took a deliciously long nap snuggled up together.

That night, Bella informs us at the dinner table that she wants to pull out her loose tooth on her birthday. She had gone up for a shower and was whimpering a bit as she feared she wouldn't be able to get it out (and frankly she was too tired not to whimper). It wasn't quite ready, but in true Bella fashion, she made it happen. A few moments later I hear a muffled "Mahmah! Mahmah! I jidt it! I puhed out my toof!!" and she comes running down the stairs stark naked, a mouthful of toilet paper, and an outstretched hand displaying a bloody tooth.

I'd say, despite the perfect storm, this birthday was a success.

(Oh, and Will has since returned to nursing happily, as if nothing ever happened.)

Bushbaby

Just a few pics of our silly little guy...

Crabbing... Take Two!

The following weekend, Grandmom Elaine shows Bella how it's really done!

After watching for the line to pull taught, you've got to pull it up ever so gently. Grandmom was waiting in the wings with the dip-net.

We've got one! (Note exuberant jump for joy.)

Granddad would be smiling... just as her mama did on this very same pier, Bella returned each and every one of her crustacean friends to the creek.

Sunset Picnic

We enjoyed some real waterfront dining this past weekend at one of our favorite local spots.
While there, Bella decided to try her hand at crabbing.

Here she is proudly displaying her bait.

Unfortunately, a piece of rotisserie chicken pulled from a chicken salad sandwich didn't produce much, and she was a bit disappointed.

But she cheered right up at the sight of the sun setting.

A beautiful way to end a day.

“When I admire the wonder of a sunset or the beauty of the moon, my soul expands in worship of the Creator” -Mahatma Gandhi

Some Notable Firsts

We celebrated the 4th of July with a new milestone. Riding a bike without training wheels!

In other news, Will has tried a few solid foods recently - the face is priceless! After a few attempts, we have discovered that they don't seem to agree with him, so we'll be holding off on giving him more until he is a little older.

(Blech! Gotta love the preview blogger chose for this one!)

Where It All Began

We took a walk down memory lane this past weekend. I don't even know how to begin choosing which photographs to share with you. Sometimes only pictures can tell the story. The best part of my life started here...


We were celebrating a wedding at our alma mater, where Adam and I met back in '97 and were later married ourselves. Bella looooves weddings - getting all dressed up, dancing, eating - and she is just starstruck by the brides.

(She took it upon herself to add her signature to the others on the matte here.)

Will did wonderfully at his second formal event...

(Snuggled in the sling at bedtime.)

It was the first time we had been back to the college since we moved from the area several years ago. We found that some things never change...

... but many things were new. It took some getting used to, this new campus layout, so we walked the new roads, checked out the new buildings.

Bella was at a wonderful age for this weekend of nostalgia. She loved hearing [censored] stories of our time there and never tired of the words "And this is where Mama and Daddy...." I think she really got a sense of how special this place is. You could see it in her movements, the way she took in the sunset...

... and gazed at the water.

We traversed a lot of ground...
... and she did need a little rest now and then, conveniently right where our wedding took place.

All this exploring sure makes a girl thirsty. Good thing we happened upon a cooler from the previous night's reception, still loaded with ice-cold bevies ...

Bella said several times that she wanted to go to college here. I must admit, I think that would be pretty cool. Future seahawks?

On the way home, we drove by our first apartment and our first house as well. Wow. Our first 7 years summed up in one afternoon.

An amazing weekend. It was quite remarkable to stand in the very place I found myself falling in love, to remember how even then I could imagine being with no other, to hear our children's voices echo across the river where I watched hundreds of sunsets while wondering then what the future would hold...

... and to be holding that future right there, in a place of the past, where it all began.